So I'm getting used to this whole blog thing, okay? I'm not consistent with it, I'm a procrastinator by nature. That with everything else going on here that's stressing me out, editing the short Ann asked me to fix and resubmit is getting pushed further and further back. It sucks, but it's what's going on.
A friend of mine was telling me about "moments" and how he doesn't regret a particular moment he had and wouldn't change a damn thing even though it may have screwed with his mind for the rest of his life. How can ONE singular moment change a person so irrevocably? I personally have changed in my life of course, I've grown, I've matured. But to change to completely in an instant... that is a concept completely foreign to me. It happens, i know it happens, but everything for me has always had a slow progression. My writing, my loves, the way I thought.
My writing has come a long way in eleven and a half years from when I first started writing The Gifted in the Spring of my Freshman year of high school. That novel alone has transcended anything I had ever planned for it. it has become a world of its own that I love to go back and reread, then look at it and go, "Well fuck, I can add more here. Shit!" My writing has gone from childish and laughable to incredible, and having someone I admire tell me she's never read anything from an unpublished writer that was as good as Torn. That floored me.
Love is something that was always a slow progression. I write about love at first sight, about not being able to help the way you feel, and soul mates. Do i believe it in? For some people, sure. For others, like myself? No. I have never experienced this before, and I honestly wish I could have. Do I believe in soul mates? YES. GOD YES. have I found mine? Possibly. he completes me, but there are holes, gaps that are emptied, and need filling. A soul mate should fill all of those empty spaces. I can find myself growing apart from him, simply because I am learning independence. I'm learning how to thrive on my own, and I'm growing stronger with each passing day. At one point in my life, he did perfectly complete me... because he is a strong alpha male type man. Now I want a romantic guy who'll be spontaneous, and woo and romance me. I want a guy who'll still after 10 years bring me flowers just because. I like getting special presents every now and then just because. I want a guy I can have fun with and laugh with, and goof around with. I want a guy who gets my imagination and free spirit. A guy who gets my tendencies to need to be alone. My husband can get all of that and be all of that, but there are some times that he just doesn't get it enough. It might seem mean to say, but it is the honest to God truth.
That's what this blog is about, the honest truth. My life as I see it and that's all there is.
I've written a poem today, I haven't written a poem in YEARS.
Here it is:
I am the rock to keep you grounded.
I am the shoulder to lean on when you cannot deal on your own.
I am the gentle voice you listen to when you need the reassurance.
I am the one who laughs at your silliness.
I am your friend.
I am the soothing voice to comfort you.
I am the warm embrace to welcome you.
I am the one that cries with you because I cannot bear to see you hurting alone.
I am the one that has your back no matter what.
I am your friend.
I am the one who keeps your darkest secrets.
I am the vote of confidence in the darkest times.
I am the smile to let you know it's going to be okay.
I am always just a phone call away.
I am your friend.
I am the loyalty you seek.
I am honesty when you need it most.
I am experience when you need advice.
I am the humor that lifts your unease.
I am your friend.
I am the one who will fight for you.
I am the one that keeps you based in reality.
I am the one that injects my own dose of insanity
I am the imagination that makes you smile
I am your friend.
I am the one who will always be there.
I am the one to count on whenever you need me.
I am the one who would drop everything to hold your hand.
I am the one who is forever.
I am your friend.
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