Bullshit spreads like wildfire.

That's all I get fed anymore is more and more Bullshit from everyone.  And yes, in this instance, it's grounds for capitalization.
I get it fed to me daily at my job.  It's annoying, and frustrating, and any other 'ing" you can think of to describe it.
Liars are the epitome of my irritation, especially liars who happen to be hypocrites as well.
9 days ago I got told "There aren't anymore full time inspector positions. We're thinking about bringing on some floaters, 'junior' inspectors if you will, but we're not going to need them after September.  (this person) and (that person) are going to be looking for those, but I'm sure they don't want to have to demote you then, so we're looking to give it to the J1s."
I get into work this morning, and two housekeepers, ones who LIVE HERE are given inspector positions.  FULL TIME inspector positions.  Talk about a fucking slap in the damn face.
So, it appears that I was lied to.  You know, if I didn't meet any requirements to become an inspector, why couldn't he just tell me so I could improve and have a chance later on? Or if there wasn'ta  chance I'd ever get it, why not just tell me? Why keep my hopes up?

Because my boss is an asshole apparently.  There are chains I could follow to get this taken care of.  part of me wants to follow it. Part of me wants to go to the Owner's room on my floor ( i KNOW which room he's staying in, along with his son, the COO and a couple others from Corporate) and take it up right with him.  The other part of me, wants to just let it fucking go, because i know deep down, no matter what I do in those first two parts, nothing will come of it, it won't make me feel any better, and I could potentially get fired.  Guess it's time to start looking into another job. closer to home. that will pay me 8.50 an hour. good luck. to me. 

Just Once...

Just once I would like to be looked at as a WOMAN.  A woman who hurts, who is human and has human emotions.
Just once I would like to be able to react to something without people thinking I'm crazy or over reacting.
Just once I would like to be treated as someone who fucking matters.
Just once I would like to not be put on the back burner to be used whenever the mood suits.
Just once I would like to be someone's absolute #1.
Just once I would like someone to see that I give my all.
Just ONCE I would like for someone to care enough to SHOW ME they care.
Just ONCE I would like for someone not to fucking play with my head.
Just ONCE I would like to not be taken advantage of.
Just ONCE I want someone to understand MY SIDE of shit.
Just ONCE I want someone to really understand.
Just ONCE I would like for someone not to use pathetic excuses to explain away their behavior.
Just ONCE I would like for something to turn out RIGHT.
Just ONCE I would like for a plan to go AS PLANNED.
Just ONCE I would like to understand men. Just one damn time.
Just ONCE I would like to think about me, and not be jumped on for it.
Just ONCE I would like to be allowed to be just a bit selfish without being called a crazy bitch.
Just ONCE I would like to feel like i'm worthwhile.
Just ONCE I would like to not feel like just a fucking trophy.
Just ONCE I would like someone worthwhile to find ME worthwhile.
Just ONCE I would like to be seen as ME. Not as a house keeper, a mother, a daughter, a granddaughter. A Niece, an aunt, a sister, just as ME - Jordan.
Just ONCE I want to be loved for that person I am.  Flaws and all.
Just ONCE I would like for my protectiveness to be seen as a redeeming quality.
Just ONCE if someone says they feel a certain way, to allow that to change things for the better.
Just ONCE I would like for a certain someone not to be a little bitch and man the fuck up.
Just once I would like for people not to use me as a stepping stone to get somewhere better.
Just once... I want someone to tell me "There is no one better than you."
Just once... I'd like to feel like I'm the right person for someone without being made to feel guilty for it.
Just one... I'd like for someone to tell me "I'm lucky to have you feel this way." and DO SOMETHING with it.

I may not have ink on papers yet, however, I am a woman.  I am human.  I have human wants, needs, desires.  despite almost being a divorce', I do still love.  I do still want, and I WILL still protect what I feel is MINE. Even if what I feel should be mine says I do not have a claim.  I have one alright.  It came the night you told me what you told me.
I live my life now as if I have no tomorrow.  Because I don't know where I'll be, or WHO I'll be tomorrow.  I feel a shift coming, a shift in the entire damn universe.  is it so wrong to want to live for the moment and not hold shit back or "Wait" because the other person is too fucking scared.  What's wrong with "Carpe Diem"?

I am just so so very tired of everything lately.  I hate I cannot attend Romanticon this year.  Plans I HAD to originally keep me from going may have fallen through and I REALLY want to attend. but because of everything else going on in my life and no word about getting published, there is no way I can afford it.

I am just tired.

Just once, I'd like to not dread the next day for fear of what it may bring.

Hope for humanity

You know, I had this big rant focused in my head this late morning/early afternoon as I cleaned my rooms, and muttered under my breath about the stupid heads that I had in a stayover, and I gave EXCEPTIONAL service too, leaving extra towels as I saw baby things, and know that babies take extra absorbancy, left a HUGE mess for me.. left no tip..... 

I was irritated for hours. 

THEN i started on my final room of the day.  A stayover.  As I was about to go into it, this group of people started down the hallway.  I forced a smile and tried desperately to make it go to my eyes as i said "Hi! How are you guys today?" The two men smiled back at me and said hi in return said "good" , but the final woman that was trailing behind them stopped, tilted her head, and said "Good, how about you, honey? How are you?" I paused and i felt every ounce of irritation seep out of me, my smile became more genuine as I could feel the actual curiosity of how I was pouring from her. 
I simply smiled in return and said "I'm doing pretty good now that my day is about over...."
She chuckled and said; "And it's nice and sunny out, get out there and enjoy it, honey."
I told her, "Oh I plan on it, gonna take my kids out and enjoy the sunshine."
her eyes brightened up and said "Enjoy it while it lasts, they're callin' for rain." Walked a bit away from me and said "Have a good day!" 

Just that small conversation and hearing the genuine curiosity from her on how I was doing made my day so much better.  The kindness of one woman took the entire rant out of me.

Hope for humanity has been restored... for a while anyway.

Faith momentarily restored.

So after my rant last night, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, as if five rooms I did yesterday read my blog.  I walked out of that hotel today with $59 dollars in my pocket.  I gave my friend $15 to pay him back for working on my car, And then $30 went into my gas tank, and I've got $14 left of it.  I almost cried from the generosity of those people.  Not one tip was less than $9!!!! The one room I ranted about with their things all around their bed left me TWENTY dollars.  I had to take a minute in one of my open rooms to compose myself because I was almost in tears.  I was able to make it home with my kiddos tonight.  and can get to work in the morning.  It's an incredible feeling. 

Since I've re-entered the work force I haven't gotten to update this as much, and some may advise me against doing so, as certain people know the link to this blog, and I cannot block people from reading it. 

However, today's update is not about ME or my misadventures.  I haven't really had any erotic misadventures to speak of in over 4 months, almost 5 now.  Whatever.

Today's update is a mini rant about how people treat others. 

You know, I get a lot of people interaction working in housekeeping.  I see the guests come in, walk through the halls, I see them when i clean their stay overs, or when they check out.  I see some people who are so nice and sweet to us, who take time to ask how we're doing, and seem genuinely interested.  Then there are others who stick their noses up and act like our carts in the hallway are such an eyesore and we're nothing more than a pile of dog shit in their way.  Housekeepers are blamed for things we had nothing to do with, we're called out for rooms we didn't even have the previous day, a tub wasn't cleaned, a towel wasn't taken out, their sheets weren't changed. 

Let me clarify. 

When you check into a hotel (At least the one I work in) Your room has been given FRESH sheets. ALWAYS. (at least by me and those on my floor, I'm certain there are those that like to skip corners and do shitty jobs, and not change your sheets, those are VERY few and far between, and they DO NOT last long after that complaint.)  You have a set of towels for each pillow in the room.  (Or two per bed, as our king beds have three pillows, but we don't put three sets.) Those sets consist of a bath towel, a hand towel, and one washcloth.  Now... Normally, yes, they are pristine white.  Laundry is SUPPOSED to check for stains, so when we house keepers get the towels to place them in your clean room, we expect there to be no stains, but sometimes, they do slip by.  It does NOT mean we left a dirty towel in your room, we missed it because of a fold in the towel, and you noticed it when you unfolded it to use it. 

If you stay more than one night you are called our stayovers.  We will NOT change your sheets unless you request us to! We have an easel on the sink which you place on the bed, and most of us will change BOTH beds if we see it on one, (unless told otherwise BY YOU)  We clean out your tub and sinks, change your towels, take out your trash, and if the floor's got a lot of crumbs, we'll vacuum.  we restock EVERYTHING.  you used a cup? we'll replace or wash it.  We'll even run the dishwasher for you in the rooms that have them.  That's our JOB. that's what we are trained to do. 

However.... When you stay multiple nights, and the second day you are in the hotel, your housekeeper cleans your room while you're gone,... she goes into the room, grabs your dirty linen, takes out your trash.  She then remakes your bed for you... she can't DO THIS if your stuff has found it's way all around the bed.  She will NOT walk on your things to get to your sheets.  One thing is is NOT our job... to pick up your things.  If you have clothes, purses, personal belongings around the bed, we won't touch it.  Have a special pillow, blanket, stuffed animal, maybe your PJs... we'll move it momentarily to pull everything up and tuck it all back in, then replace it on the bed.  HOWEVER... we are not your MOTHERS! and I don't even do this with my own children, pick up a mountain or river of clothes in order to clean the room.  if your stuff is everywhere, we won't touch any further than the bathroom area.  If she can actually get to your bed, she tucks it in all nice and tight for you, and then restocks everything in the room around your things to make it to the point it was before you checked in.  She busts her ass to do this for you. 

These housekeepers come from all walks of life.  That room you left trashed, with beer cans littering the dresser and window sill, chips crushed into the carpet, smears on the mirrors, a black film a 16th an inch thick in the tub? The sheets you conveniently lost track of the month on and bled through the sheets and mattress pad straight to the mattress?  (yes, this happened once. GROSS) The girl that had to go in and clean it was dealing with a bad knee from years of ballet.  The day before a single mother of three was up at 3 AM with a sick two year old.  She's exhausted, and is just hoping for a semi easy day at work.

That room you left behind, with nothing in it as a thank you for the housekeeper? yeah, she's barely scrimping by on spare change to fill her gas tank just to get to work to clean that room for you.  She's making minimum wage, and has to drive 40 miles just TO work every day because no other place is hiring.  She also gets MAYBE 25 hours a week, and is paid bi-weekly. No, tips are not required in hotels, they never have been.  But do you have any idea how incredibly uplifting it is to go into a room and see $5 laying on the counter as a thank you for the service? Even $2 is nice to see.  We can go down to the vending machines, or the hotel cafe and get lunch for maybe once that week.  Most of us don't eat while we're at work.  We get up in the morning go to work, and don't eat until we get home at dinner time.

That housekeeper you jumped on because she didn't get to your room fast enough to clean it?  She's struggling to hold onto her composure stressing out about a custody hearing for her kids.  She's worried about her finances, and how is she going to get to work the next morning?  will she be able to afford diapers in two days?   The Housekeeper that may have missed a laundry woman's hair stuck to a sheet, and you called down to the housekeeping office to scream and complain and demand you get a free room?  yeah, she's trying desperately to move out onto her own, and was balancing her check book and budget in her mind while she was making your bed. 

Remember those men and women cleaning your hotel rooms are PEOPLE just like you are.  They have their life's worries, and some might just be worse than yours, considering you're paying over $200 for a room.  They DO care about the cleanliness of your room, they DO care about their job, and doing that job properly.  Some may not even speak English because they're a foreign exchange student, don't get ticked if they direct you to an American to help you! In our hotel right now we have 30-40 J1 students from Asia. (Thailand i think...)  They don't really speak the language well, and most of them barely understand it spoken to them.  But they try.  Lord to they TRY. 

Try to remember that when you go out, ANYWHERE, there is no one beneath you, and you are not higher than anyone else.  Treat everyone the same was as you would like to be treated, because you have no clue what that other person is going through.  ESPECIALLY those in the service industry like fast food, waitresses and waiters, housekeepers, front desk staff.... We make mistakes. we are HUMAN!

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope

is it really so difficult to leave a couple of dollars for your housekeeper?  Just a couple of bucks, even a single dollar does make a difference in that person's day.  It shows you care, it shows you appreciate the work they did to make the room clean for you, it shows you understand they are people just like you are, just trying to get by in life.  If you can afford $200 for a room, can't you shell out a buck for the girl who busts her ass to clean your room for you?  

Some of us will get a "board" that has 12 or more rooms on it.  Each room has a time limit.  On our HVBD (high volume business days) we get 18 point boards.  every 3 points is an hour's worth of work.  Not too difficult, right?  .... 6 hours.  that's 6 hours.  Check out is at 11 am.  we HAVE to be done by 4 pm.  Do the math.  That's 5 hours.  We have to squeeze 6 hours of work into 5 hours.  And THEN if half of our rooms don't leave until noon or later? that 3 hours of work in sometimes 3 hours or less.  You don't count in the time it takes to pack up our stuff and move on to the next room, you don't think about getting everything into the room when you did that calculation did you?  grabbing the towels and sheets, and trash bags, and your coffee... making sure all the inventory is in your cupboards and drawers... and don't get me started on if that room is trashed like the above mentioned rooms.  it takes extra time to clean those.  

Try to be courteous. clean up a little after yourself!  Don't leave every ounce of trash laying everywhere! don't let your kids dump an entire box of cheerios on the floor, and then stomp them into the carpet... (true story...) You're not an animal, and just because you're not at home doesn't mean you should get to trash the place you're staying because "you're not cleaning it up." that's just asinine. 

I'm working on it!!

So I'm getting used to this whole blog thing, okay? I'm not consistent with it, I'm a procrastinator by nature.  That with everything else going on here that's stressing me out, editing the short Ann asked me to fix and resubmit is getting pushed further and further back.  It sucks, but it's what's going on. 

A friend of mine was telling me about "moments" and how he doesn't regret a particular moment he had and wouldn't change a damn thing even though it may have screwed with his mind for the rest of his life.  How can ONE singular moment change a person so irrevocably? I personally have changed in my life of course, I've grown, I've matured.  But to change to completely in an instant... that is a concept completely foreign to me.  It happens, i know it happens, but everything for me has always had a slow progression. My writing, my loves, the way I thought. 

My writing has come a long way in eleven and a half years from when I first started writing The Gifted in the Spring of my Freshman year of high school.  That novel alone has transcended anything I had ever planned for it. it has become a world of its own that I love to go back and reread, then look at it and go, "Well fuck, I can add more here. Shit!"  My writing has gone from childish and laughable to incredible, and having someone I admire tell me she's never read anything from an unpublished writer that was as good as Torn.  That floored me.

Love is something that was always a slow progression.  I write about love at first sight, about not being able to help the way you feel, and soul mates.  Do i believe it in?  For some people, sure.  For others, like myself? No. I have never experienced this before, and I honestly wish I could have.  Do I believe in soul mates? YES. GOD YES.  have I found mine? Possibly. he completes me, but there are holes, gaps that are emptied, and need filling.  A soul mate should fill all of those empty spaces. I can find myself growing apart from him, simply because I am learning independence. I'm learning how to thrive on my own, and I'm growing stronger with each passing day. At one point in my life, he did perfectly complete me... because he is a strong alpha male type man.  Now I want a romantic guy who'll be spontaneous, and woo and romance me.  I want a guy who'll still after 10 years bring me flowers just because.  I like getting special presents every now and then just because.  I want a guy I can have fun with and laugh with, and goof around with.  I want a guy who gets my imagination and free spirit.  A guy who gets my tendencies to need to be alone.  My husband can get all of that and be all of that, but there are some times that he just doesn't get it enough.  It might seem mean to say, but it is the honest to God truth.

That's what this blog is about, the honest truth.  My life as I see it and that's all there is.


I've written a poem today, I haven't written a poem in YEARS.

Here it is:


I am the rock to keep you grounded.
I am the shoulder to lean on when you cannot deal on your own.
I am the gentle voice you listen to when you need the reassurance.
I am the one who laughs at your silliness.
I am your friend.

I am the soothing voice to comfort you.
I am the warm embrace to welcome you.
I am the one that cries with you because I cannot bear to see you hurting alone.
I am the one that has your back no matter what.
I am your friend.

I am the one who keeps your darkest secrets.
I am the vote of confidence in the darkest times.
I am the smile to let you know it's going to be okay.
I am always just a phone call away.
I am your friend.

I am the loyalty you seek.
I am honesty when you need it most.
I am experience when you need advice.
I am the humor that lifts your unease.
I am your friend.

I am the one who will fight for you.
I am the one that keeps you based in reality.
I am the one that injects my own dose of insanity
I am the imagination that makes you smile
I am your friend.

I am the one who will always be there.
I am the one to count on whenever you need me.
I am the one who would drop everything to hold your hand.
I am the one who is forever.
I am your friend.

I'm definitely playing the waiting game now.

So since my party, which I seem to have either freaked out my friends, or they just chose not to say anything... except Martha ;) LOL I'm kidding ladies, I love you all, seriously. But since then I've sent Torn off to the wonderful Ann Leveille, and now I am anxiously awaiting her review and hopefully a contract with EC.  And I've read the Toys-4-Us series, which was INCREDIBLE. makes me want a Gianna of my own to match me with the proper toys!! I loved every single one of those books, and I'm totally entering to win that Kindle Fire! If only I could figure out what "other" big thing Emily likes. LOL The others were easy to figure out.... that one I'm like HUH?! LOL

Those books made me realize just how badly I want to have friends to write with like that.  To throw ideas out with, and write something like that with.  How much I almost wish I could bring some people into Healing Springs and have them write tag a long novels to go with Torn, it's sequel, and subsequent tag alongs I'm planning.  And if Torn is published and any of the Royal House would like to add to my world, well damn I would probably let them!

They also made me realize that I DESPERATELY want to be in Vegas to celebrate Allie's birthday with her. I need to know how I can get a present to the Princess for her birthday, and don't you dare tell me I don't need to do it.  I didn't need to get ya the sparkly pink scarf, but I wanted to because I count you as a friend!

I have a few shorts to write up, and finish, and some more books to plan while I wait, along with three kids, and a messy ass house to deal with while I wait for Ann, but it's driving me CRAZY wondering when I'll hear from her. 

Such a busy life... and there are days, like today... where I wish i could just sink back into bed, curl up with a warm body and stay there all day.